Tales Of Bill The Bard

When I first undertook writing this blog... well, for one thing, I had no real idea I'd still be at it five years later. For another thing, it was mostly just a way to vent my frustrations with girls. And to be honest, though my posts have become increasingly veiled and cryptic... it's still pretty much that. I mean really, what better way to simultaneously vent and compose your thoughts into something cohesive than a blog that no one really reads? On a psychological level it's brilliant, because you know that it's possible that someone could A) unearth the blog and read an entry and B) pick apart all the references and allusions to figure out what you're actually saying, so the notion that you could be heard is somewhat exhilarating, but at the same time you know it's incredibly unlikely that anyone will check without prompting, and thus no one will criticize you for feeling the way you do. It's so delightfully secure for something as exposed as a webpage.

Of course no one would ever actually post anything they REALLY didn't want read on a blog. That's the beauty of it. If any of this was so sensitive that I couldn't handle someone knowing it, I'd put it in a notebook or something, somewhere I knew no one could see it. And for that reason, none of this is truly private information. This is where I bury the stuff that I know the people who really care about me could find if they were inclined to go looking. And suddenly, we have a title for the post. I was wondering what the heck I was gonna call this.

So now that the meta portion of the post is out of the way, I have a few things to discuss, none of them particularly grave or serious. The first thing on my mind, as it usually is on Mondays around this time, is How I Met Your Mother. That show has got its groove back in a big way. The last three (possibly four, I don't remember) episodes have been fantastic, and it's starting to seem like they front-loaded the filler episodes into the beginning of the season. That doesn't seem like a great way to maintain ratings, but I guess that doesn't really matter too much considering this is the final season. The moral of the story here is if you gave up on the show at the beginning of this season (or in any prior seasons) you're really doing yourself a disservice, because it has gotten so good lately. Hopefully they can keep the momentum up until the end of the series; they've only got about half a season left to go.

Second, Harry Potter. The books were amazing. Well, let me clarify; books four through seven were amazing. The first one was solid, the second one was honestly pretty boring, and the third one was simply pretty good. But once Goblet of Fire came around, it really took off, and the last book (when they're not walking to a volcano, so to speak) is probably among my all time favorites. The ending was perfect, right up there with Breaking Bad and The Office. I've heard the movie is also really good, and I'm quite looking forward to it, especially considering how generally bad the first three movies were. The first was stupid and kiddie, the second was reasonably interesting, and the third was long and boring. The fourth was NONSTOP ACTION GOGOGO and was quite entertaining, even if some of the scenes (particularly in the graveyard at the end) weren't reconstructed terribly well. By and large though, they cut out the chaff and kept the pace brisk, and I applaud them for that, even if Voldemort didn't come across as quite as sinister as I had imagined.

Third, it finally genuinely feels like Christmas around here. I remember feeling the same way around this time last year (roughly a week before Christmas), that the Christmas season had finally officially kicked off. We've got the tree up, the lights on it, lights strung up in the hallway, candles burning, and the living room is more tidy than it has been in ages, probably since the Super Bowl party last year. I have a new computer on which to play League in glorious 1080p 22" widescreen, I'm connected to the network via ethernet so I don't ever have bad ping and I can even stream while I play (which I've been doing quite prolifically), and I just started playing Bioshock Infinite yesterday, because everyone knows Bioshock games are meant to be played around Christmas time, either just before or just after. I've gotten almost all of my Christmas shopping done already, and since I've been so efficient with it, it hasn't been nearly as stressful as it was either of the last two years. I suppose that can also partially be attributed to the fact that I actually have a car this year and can go when I need to.

In any case, I'm feeling pretty jolly right now. I just finished the most recent episode of HIMYM along with some cheddar cheese ramen, cherry Pepsi, and a holiday pie from McDonald's, I won both games of League tonight (the 3v3 custom matches on Summoner's Rift are usually terribly one-sided but fun if you're on the winning team), AND, following last week's miraculous fantasy football playoff victory against Jenkins, I somehow managed to beat Danny Latin this week, which means that I'll be making a return appearance in the Super Bowl this year, this time against Crutchfield. Life is right in the solid-to-good range, so I'm just gonna cross my fingers for next week's fantasy game, relax and enjoy the holidays, and then... see how things play out once the new year begins.

Now that I think about it, I probably could also have called this post "Heisenblog," keeping with the theme of the first paragraph because it's hiding in plain sight. That would have been good too, I guess.

More Than 20 Minutes

March 4th, 2011. It was a Friday night. I'd spent the better part of the prior week planning, building, testing, and fine-tuning a standard deck. Mirrodin Besieged Game Day was the following day, and I really wanted that full-art Black Sun's Zenith; even moreso, I wanted the Pristine Talisman with the Mirrodin Pure expansion symbol on it. I spent the entire night poring over and playtesting my deck, trying to find any last flaws to correct before the tournament. During a break in testing, I stepped into the kitchen of The Orphanage, and I briefly mentioned the tournament to a girl who lived there. "You're going to win," she said. "Well, we'll see about that," I replied. "Hopefully."

March 5th, 2011. Mirrodin Besieged Game Day. Top 8 got the promo Black Sun's Zenith, and the top 2 of each faction-aligned deck got their faction's promo (I made sure my deck had at least 10 Mirran-symbol cards to qualify for the Pristine Talisman), regardless of total standings. I placed 6th out of 35-some-odd people, and second out of the Mirran faction decks. I got both promos. I came back to The Orphanage that night and brought news to the girl I had spoken to the night before that I did indeed win. Her reply? "I knew you would."

I've always been a big proponent of and firm believer in destiny. There are those who deny the existence of destiny, who say that it flies in the face of free will... and I'm beginning to think maybe they're right. Maybe life isn't about what you're meant to do. Maybe it's about what you set out to do, how hard you work to get there, and whether or not you persevere to see it through to the end.

There are those who say that believers in destiny just use it as an excuse for their mistakes or poor choices, because ultimately destiny means we're not responsible for our own actions. I've never really thought about it that way, to be honest. In fact, I feel like I've taken responsibility for most of my mistakes, and really almost entirely looked at destiny as an explanation for my successes, however major or minor. I dunno, maybe I just have a really low self-image that makes me tend to think that if I do well at something, it wasn't because I exemplified any particular skill, it's just because it was "meant to be," because destiny had decided it would be so. For instance, I did well at that Magic tournament because I got paired up against the right people; I got my first girlfriend because we just happened to be in close proximity to each other for a long time; I got my current job because I was in the right place at the right time and got lucky with my auditions; I made it to Gold in Season 3 of League of Legends because I got matched up with people who carried me to victory in placement. But now that I think about it...

Maybe I did well at that Magic tournament because I practiced. I put a lot of time and thought and effort into a deck that would effectively combat the meta, and I spent the better part of a week working on it, longer than I've ever spent working on something Magic-related before. Maybe I got my first girlfriend because after she initially shot me down, I didn't give up. I was determined and persistent enough to show her why dating me would be a good idea. Maybe I got my job because of how much time I spent working on perfecting my audition tape, and how much I focused on being as good as I could possibly be in my auditions. Maybe I got to Gold in League because I play every night and (despite what it seems like sometimes) tried my best to get better, and performed well enough in my placement matches to, at the very least, not throw games away.

And if that's all true... then maybe it's not all about destiny. Maybe it's about preparation and hard work and persistence in the face of failure. Maybe it IS true that you can do whatever you put your mind to... and maybe I just didn't realize that that was, all along, a key component to my successes.

And if that's true... well then...

"Barney... story's not over."