The Only Hope For Me Is A Bigger Fish

Nobody blogs anymore, and that's probably a good thing. I'm not even sure I actually want people reading this. I mean if they do, that's fine, it's not like I'm trying to hide it, and if I was, putting it on the internet wouldn't be the most spectacular idea. It's not necessarily something I want to broadcast, but it is something I want to get out, and if people are game enough to come looking for it, then so be it. Those are probably the people who would react most reasonably anyway.

I've actually been meaning to get onto this topic for some time now, because I've felt like this for a while, but I never had the inspiration to start until I watched the most recent episode of How I Met Your Mother, where Barney meets the Mother. A brief aside regarding this season: it has, up to this point, been pretty bad. Nearly unbearable, even. But last night's episode, which I just finished watching after scrubbing out in League for the umpteenth time, was perfect. Perfect. I can forgive all the crap and filler and unfunny nonsense they've put us through for the first third of the season just because of this episode, and it has restored my faith that the finale is going to be something really special. But I digress.

"There are plenty of fish in the sea." What a delightfully hackneyed phrase when it comes to post-breakup optimism. So much so I WROTE A POEM ABOUT IT! No no, I shan't channel my inner Kenan-Thompson-as-Maya-Angelou here. I actually just came up with (or rather, borrowed) a different phrase with mostly the same meaning. In Star Wars: Episode I, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Jar Jar are navigating their bongo through the deep seas of Naboo, and whilst being chased by a large fish, Jar Jar starts freaking out. Another even larger fish emerges, eats the first fish, and prompts Qui-Gon to reassuringly remind Jar Jar that "there's always a bigger fish." I feel like the same thing applies to relationships, or more specifically, to girls.

In other words, there's always someone better to help you forget about your last relationship, however disastrous it may have been. I've used that phrase before in this blog. And that's a great way to look at things, isn't it? Don't dwell on what happened before, because someone else, someone new, someone exciting will come along to not only ease your troubles, but actually one-up what you had prior. And that's fantastic... until you realize that it's actually kind of depressing.

One of my favorite songs off my favorite album, My Chemical Romance's Danger Days, is "The Only Hope For Me Is You." It's a pretty friggin romantic song and sentiment. The sad thing is I don't know if it's realistic to feel that way about someone. If there's always a bigger fish, which seems to be true... then how could you ever possibly settle on one person? How could you justify saying "alright, this is it, I've found her," knowing that there is almost certainly someone out there who could top what she has to offer?

And if it's not true... then how do you KNOW when you've found the biggest proverbial fish? What if you passed up on the best possible thing because at the time you thought there might be something better out there? What if your doubts caused you to throw away something wonderful because it wasn't exactly perfect?

After failing so hard so many times at League of Legends earlier this week, I asked myself why I play the game so much. I'm not particularly good at it, and sometimes instead of being fun, it can be downright frustrating. But I keep coming back. Night after night, I continue to play, even when it doesn't always go the way I want it to. The conclusion I came to was that I keep playing because I have weird hours and there's no better way for me to pass the time. And then I saw Barney stumble across the Mother, and she knew exactly what he was going through, a situation he hadn't even fully realized himself.

"I think you were in love and you messed it up... and every moment of your life since then has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact."

That's what she said to him and, that's when I realized I do play League to pass the time... because passing the time keeps me busy.



"This is your own masterpiece."
-Obi-Wan Kenobi
Star War The Third Gathers: The Backstroke of the West